The Rapture of Chickens

Recently, Republican candidate for Nevada senator Sue Lowden stated that in order to "bring down the prices in hurry" on health care, we should all do what our grandparents did and "bring a chicken to the doctor" for payment. Obviously, this is absurd. Who eats chicken? The real solution is much simpler: bring hot pockets to the doctor. Although, I think doctors would like to dissect both equally; they both have the strangest and most unique chemicals and toxins inside of them.

Lowden has stuck to her statement since, saying that she "will not back down." And why should she? Her plan will save us all! Plus the wallet industry will have a huge boom in sales as they release chicken sized wallets. new credit cards will be released that store chickens. bank machines will have chicken shaped slots and a stick up will consist of the robber pointing a chicken chucker at the bank teller.

In fact, why can't we just go a step further and represent chickens in objects that are not chickens? It may sound preposterous, but what if the people who bred the chickens kept them in their houses and we'd go and exchange representations of chickens for real chickens? Disks, perhaps. Little metal disks... Or maybe slips of paper!

But what to call them? Well, I assume that the disks would be worth less, so with each other they'd add up to more. In Latin, the prefix "con" means "with". So why not call them... coins?
And the paper stuff would be worth twice as much as the "coins" and "Bi" means "double". So how about... Bills?

Clearly, this is what the future senator has in mind, but critics seem to think that she doesn't even have a mind, or a sane one, anyway. There have been many jokes and critiques, including this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZezfjWox5s and this blog: http://howdoyouspellcomicker.blogspot.com/ . This strikes me as odd. Don't these people know that Sue Lowden is going to save them all? In fact, she might just leave the chicken-less with their chicken-less banks while the rest of us ascend--gasp! Of course! This is the rapture! The rapture... of... chickens. Of course! Lowden is not a moron! She is a genius! Clearly she understands the irony of leaving the chicken-less below in the world, trapped in our coop and only fed when the master wants it to be so. Clearly she knows that if she instates the barter system, then she will have an excuse for destroying those people who always disagreed with her; the filthy, chicken-less idiots; the lousy morons who think before they say things. She's always found them so un-American.

Either that, or she just has some chickens, no money, and a bad case of Nostalgiaitis that she wants looked at.