The Rapture of Chickens

Recently, Republican candidate for Nevada senator Sue Lowden stated that in order to "bring down the prices in hurry" on health care, we should all do what our grandparents did and "bring a chicken to the doctor" for payment. Obviously, this is absurd. Who eats chicken? The real solution is much simpler: bring hot pockets to the doctor. Although, I think doctors would like to dissect both equally; they both have the strangest and most unique chemicals and toxins inside of them.

Lowden has stuck to her statement since, saying that she "will not back down." And why should she? Her plan will save us all! Plus the wallet industry will have a huge boom in sales as they release chicken sized wallets. new credit cards will be released that store chickens. bank machines will have chicken shaped slots and a stick up will consist of the robber pointing a chicken chucker at the bank teller.

In fact, why can't we just go a step further and represent chickens in objects that are not chickens? It may sound preposterous, but what if the people who bred the chickens kept them in their houses and we'd go and exchange representations of chickens for real chickens? Disks, perhaps. Little metal disks... Or maybe slips of paper!

But what to call them? Well, I assume that the disks would be worth less, so with each other they'd add up to more. In Latin, the prefix "con" means "with". So why not call them... coins?
And the paper stuff would be worth twice as much as the "coins" and "Bi" means "double". So how about... Bills?

Clearly, this is what the future senator has in mind, but critics seem to think that she doesn't even have a mind, or a sane one, anyway. There have been many jokes and critiques, including this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZezfjWox5s and this blog: http://howdoyouspellcomicker.blogspot.com/ . This strikes me as odd. Don't these people know that Sue Lowden is going to save them all? In fact, she might just leave the chicken-less with their chicken-less banks while the rest of us ascend--gasp! Of course! This is the rapture! The rapture... of... chickens. Of course! Lowden is not a moron! She is a genius! Clearly she understands the irony of leaving the chicken-less below in the world, trapped in our coop and only fed when the master wants it to be so. Clearly she knows that if she instates the barter system, then she will have an excuse for destroying those people who always disagreed with her; the filthy, chicken-less idiots; the lousy morons who think before they say things. She's always found them so un-American.

Either that, or she just has some chickens, no money, and a bad case of Nostalgiaitis that she wants looked at.

Robot

Constricted by the laws of binary
depicted as a killer, scary
my life is not life,
my pain is not pain,
I should give up, I have nothing to gain.

A post

I'm a seventh grader, and recently, on Buzz, some of my Eighth grade friends started dissing on my kind, calling us "Immature".
I responded in my favorite way: Long, annoying pieces of writing!.

I myself am a Sevie, and I, unlike all of my Sevie friends, recognize it for what it is: a raging disease.

Seviism is caused by many things, and each year, in Sevie season, it has a different cause. For example, this year, it is caused by being born in the year 1996--1997. But LAST year, it was caused by being born in 1995-1996--how mysterious!

When I was diagnosed with Seviism, I was rushed to the Sevie hospital, "School" in the Sevie ambulance "School Bus" to be toughened up. My parents were so worried, because those unfortunate individuals with Seviism rarely fit in. It is our curse, and yet our gift. I mean, who wants to hang out with these people?
A) http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?3076349 (Used to link to an Eightie who was calling us immature's picture)
B) http://www.faceb.comoto.ppid=3004&id=1220710202 (Formerly a link to another Eightie who was calling us immature's picture.)
C) http://www.google.com/prfile#buzz (''...)

Seviism is surprisingly not contagious, though we have seen examples of Eighties who have started acting like Sevies after "hanging out" with them for too long, like this unfortunate person:
http://www.google.com/profiles/101658635891089#buzz (Used to link to the page of an eighth grader calling us immature. She chills with Sevies.)

The opposite has also happened before:
https://mail.google.com/mail/?280241276342 (This link used to be a friend of mine who is tall and talks like an eighth grader. Smart kid.)

Some people are standing up to the racism against Seviism, such as this young idiot:
https://mail.google.com/mail/?shva=1#buzz/10 (Used to link to my page.)
And this wise man:
https://mail.google.com/mail/?shva=1#buzz/1008027 (A cool "Sevie" who doesn't like the term.)

A couple people take the whole "Sevie" thing too far, such as this guy:
https://mail.google.com/mail/?shva=1#buzz/110150025795284681434 (Still a real link. click on it. UPDATE: The blogger link thing doesn't work. Copy and paste.)

I conclude.

Youtar

Hey, guys. Some of you may know that I've got... friends in high places. Well, I recently acquired some bits and pieces of the first in a trilogy of books by Christopher Paolini, Author of The Inheritance Chronicles. Here they are:

The Heirloom Chronicles: Youtar

by Christopher Paolini

The Fyre burned his face as he lit his Ligtin stone. He didn't care; his face was already so worn from the Nijtik battle that he could hardly tell pain from a hikopath bath in the jinkydink woods. Many men and Laktons alike had looked upon his face with fear, but he never seemed to mind. Perhaps he hadn't noticed it, or perhaps he climbed into their rooms at night and devoured them in their Rashtok beds. He used to joke about this with his Kilyitite wife; now she was gone, and so was his sense of humor.

Trying to forget those days, he fidlopred his Ligtin stone, but to no effect.

The wind seemed to whisper his name: Kroanshka Kroanshka Kroanshka! Like the pain, he ignored it.

"Binkar," he cursed as he closed his bright bluish-hefla eyes. "Binkar it all to Shnuffle."

A sudden lightningstrike got him out of his trance, and he pressed his two hands together to try the stone again to find that it was gone. He had thrown it.

An epic beginning to any book, but let's see how it evolves:

Kirshna pulled out her dagger and started to slowly carve out the intestines of the enemy Laktoon. It screamed, still alive even as its intestines were being chopped up.

Not for long, thought Kirshna. She started to smash its head and out poured a gooey liquid...

Awesome. I only wish I had more from that scene. Okay, this next part comes after we've learned most of the Laktoon language:

"Bleshtek! If vir ka mi so so so so lol bashta!" Kirshna lik hin vir, men so la vir. Lik no soma ti, lik no sore: Kirshna vosh bloue Ligtin Fidlopre.

"Lol voo vira lol Binkar Shnuffle!" Slikar lol so kindo Kroanshka. Krishna ho lol no ti arama. Sinkor's hilios wahe liop Krishna's lol.

"Lol your mother!" Krishna kiloa lol roflmao king.

Well, I can't read it, but knowing Christopher Paolini it's all in the back of the book. The last scene that I have for you is in English, and is slightly related to Christopher's series Eragon.

"Lords!" said Krishna. "I merely cannot believe that there are dragons in our world!"

"Aye, and Elves!" Kroanshka couldn't take his eyes of Krishna's face, he just kept staring and loling. Behind theme, Sinkor was dragging his feet, but Arya poked him with her hidwort and he started rooshking.

"Aye," she said. "Aye." They stopped walking for a moment, just looking at each other, drawing ever closer...

"Move it," said Eragon, his voice crisp. "We must reach the mountaintops." he pointed up to the mountaintops.

"Indeed..." Krishna frowned. "Why are we going there now again?"

"Answers always lie in mountaintops." Eragon sounded slightly annoyed, but kept walking,

"Eragon, I'm not sure..."

"Answers always lie in mountaintops." Eragon's voice turned firm.

"Aye, it's true," said Arya.

"All right," grumbled Krishna.

I don't know about you guys, but I think it looks amazing and I can't wait for the full book to come out. The series will be called The Heirloom Chronicles. Cheers! ~Pact Tieren Dighd

Youtar

Hey, guys. This Thursday, I will share with you an excerpt from Christopher Paolini's next book series, The Heirloom Chronicles, Book one: Youtar. I can hardly wait!